Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Splinters of denial..
Splinters of denial picked slowly out of my already thin skin...
pricking up bits of bloody disillusionment and ungrateful surprise. Examining the sliver like shards that i try to rebury in myself slowly, not wanting to know if they wield an answer or just another plethora of questions that in my heart i know i can answer myself. Trailing the splinters slowly across my skin, it tingles, burns, goose-bumps appear and i close my eyes thinking of everything that needs to be addressed and then trying to immediately forget it all. Months spent in a bubble, days locked in forced purpose, seconds caught in an ever tangling web of counterfeit astonishment. And I know in my head that i do this all to myself, so i force myself to slowly release and search out the last few, deepest splinters- the ones of confusion, miscontent, loneliness, fear and worst of all lack of self esteem. I slide each one between my fingers, finally flicking them to the wind, out of my life and away from my future, until all i can feel is the slightest of my breath rising like extra slow motion lava up my throat and filling my mouth with a taste that is at once gorgeous yet repellent. the taste of promise, uncertain, but filled with hope and the dreams that bring it to fruition. And I close my eyes and fade away into one of those dreams, a slight smile taking over my face, strangely soiled, somewhat serene.